6 month.

My husband said that the 6th month anniversary of Alexxs death wasn’t an important date… I seem to dred the 29th of every month, announce its presence as if what happened could be forgotten. Perhaps, I treat it as an important or special day… I wish it didn’t have significance in my mind except the date Alexx was born.

In my parallel universe, Alexx has turned 18, gone to Prom, graduated high school and prepared for his first semester at Mississippi State. We went to Miami on his senior trip, he had started to plan with Kennon and his mom. We all had a blast in Miami and bonded over him being a young man now and him knowing the fun side, not just mom side…. I would be dreading saying good bye to him on the day I took him to his dorm and I would brag to everyone my son was at State…. life would feel happy.

But back in reality, none of that happened. We were forced to move which was truly a blessing in disguise. I started back at work and the kids have made new friends. Bobby struggled in school and deep down I’m glad he will be repeating 1st grade. He’s still six and I really feel not mature enough to advance. Barron surrounds himself with his friends & is truly an awesome kid. And my lovely Stella Jo makes my heart melt. Bobby has friends in the neighborhood and is super busy these days! Jarrett hasnt been sick. We have our good days. And the days our emotions hang over our heads like a black cloud. We are as good as can be expected.

We went to a support group for parents who have lost children and it helped. I look forward to going again. I need to make time to deal with the anger I have and to let go of the things/thoughts and actions of others that I have no control over. Sometimes things just aren’t fair… and I have to verbally remind myself that I am loved by family & friends. I have friends to visit this summer, near and far. I have family to visit and I have my own family. Lions don’t concern themselves with the opinions of mice. Something like that. I do have plenty to be thankful for and far too much to look forward To rather than let others TRY and hold me back mentally or physically.

I will not allow Alexx’s death to break me. I must remember his life had meaning. And to carry on as I carry him on in everything I do.

Jes